Three habits that make us unhappy
The turn of the year is just around the corner - a good time to perhaps change a few habits that stand in the way of a happier life. Plus a new impetus for success.
Oh, our dear habits! Anyone who has been following me for a while will know that we are what we do every day. So if we want to change something in our lives (as many of us do around the turn of the year), we have to change what we do every day.
Installed habits...
Our brain has developed an extremely effective mechanism that removes everything we do repeatedly from our consciousness and installs it as a habit. This is what makes us able to survive in the first place, because otherwise our cerebrum would be completely overloaded. (Read more about this in the groundbreaking book "Think fast, think slow" by Daniel Kahneman).
But here comes the huge disadvantage: our brain cannot tell whether a new habit is beneficial or harmful to us: if we do it often enough and are still alive, it must be good for us - and becomes a habit. And since hardly any new habit kills us immediately, we accumulate all kinds of habits that do us harm instead of good.
The simple fact is that particularly fulfilled, happy and productive people accumulate more habits that benefit them than the rest of humanity. The good news: we can all learn this - if we want to change our lives for the better. Here are three examples of habits that I come across time and time again that make us unhappy and unproductive:
Unhappiness Habit #1: You focus on things outside of your control.
In my estimation, most people could save 30-70 percent of their time if they didn't worry about what they can't or don't want to influence anyway. For managers, this figure is perhaps only 10-20 percent. That's still a lot.
Just by focusing better on what we can influence (ourselves and to some extent our environment), we can save 10 percent of our time. That's a lot!
And it also makes us much happier.
Unfortunate habit no. 2: You're moving in the wrong circles.
"You develop into the average of the 5 people you surround yourself with the most" is an old saying. We cannot prevent the people closest to us from exerting an enormous influence on us. Therefore, choose your most frequent interlocutors and influencers wisely.
Incidentally, we can also form some of these "real circles" from virtual associations, for example mentors. This is particularly helpful when we find it very difficult to change our immediate environment.
Unfortunate habit no. 3: You don't know how to say "no".
Yes, it's a classic: out of habit, we say "yes" too often to all sorts of things. The reason is usually that we want to be liked. The paradox, however, is that we are usually no longer liked if we say "yes" too often - on the contrary. A clear "no" is almost always much better than a half-hearted "yes", because it creates clarity. Otherwise we end up with a lot of stuff that we don't enjoy and that frustrates us.
Conclusion: change your habits
Pay attention to your habits - and change them - because they determine your life. An important thought, especially at the turn of the year!
To the author:
Volkmar Völzke is a success maximizer. Book author. Consultant. Coach. Speaker. www.volkmarvoelzke.ch
