How to frustrate your peers
People can frustrate other people, even if they often don't realize it. Decades-old behavior patterns are often behind this. A new success impulse shows how positive influence can be strengthened by means of three levers.
It would have been well worth a resolution for this year: frustrate others less! Especially if you are a leader! That may come across as a bit negative, but it's meant in a positive way. Because we all frustrate others - and often without realizing it. This manifests itself in the fact that others avoid us, do not listen to us properly, do things differently than we imagine, and so on. By the way, you behave in the same way when you are frustrated by others.
This topic is as relevant in your family (or have you never frustrated your teenagers, if you have any?) as it is for your leadership in the professional environment. For the purists of psychology, here's a clarification: you can't frustrate others directly, but you can work hard to frustrate them. However, the crucial question remains:
How can you frustrate others less and thereby increase your positive influence? Here are three often overlooked levers:
- Still know something better.
Do you actually know how frustrating it is for others when you still add something to their ideas and their results and know something better? You think that's your job as a leader? No, unfortunately that's a red herring: every time you improve someone, you may have done it 10% better, but at the same time lost 50% of the person's commitment. My tip: be very aware of where improvement is really needed and where it is not. And then just don't do it. - Respond directly to questions.
This is also something that most people don't think about. Because every time you answer a question directly, you deprive the other person of the opportunity to come up with the best solution themselves. In the long run, this is extremely frustrating. What should you do instead? Quite simply, ask open and motivating counter-questions that lead the other person to a solution themselves. Is that always possible? No, of course not. But more often than you think! - Too much tolerance.
This may be as surprising to you as the previous two points. At the same time, it can be very frustrating for others if you do not show a "clear edge", but always tolerate exceptions to the demands of behavior. The reason: you then don't know where you stand. This is frustrating.
If you're thinking, phew, I'm going to have to change my behavior, you're not alone. It's actually extremely difficult, because you're going against behavioral patterns that have often been in place for decades.
But it can be done. Just start every day with a small improvement.
To the author:
Volkmar Völzke is a success maximizer. Book author. Consultant. Coach. Speaker. www.volkmarvoelzke.ch
