The little manifesto of appreciation
The more digitization advances, the faster and more restless our world becomes. Many people feel that this development makes it increasingly difficult to maintain deeper contacts and how relationships are flattening. In private, we find fewer moments for each other and our heads are often somewhere else entirely while we spend time together. At work, we feel reduced to a role. We receive recognition when we meet or exceed expectations, but miss a deeper appreciation when things don't go so well.
Appreciation is not everything, but without appreciation everything is nothing: If we lack it in our private lives, this is one of the most common reasons why we withdraw and relationships fail. At work, lack of appreciation is the number one reason employees quit. Lack of appreciation can even lead to physical illness: Medical experts attribute a large proportion of slipped discs to a lack of recognition and appreciation[1]. If, on the other hand, we feel accepted as we are, we blossom, trust, open up and let ourselves go. Appreciative relationships therefore provide energy in all areas and bring joy into our lives.
Even if our (business) world seems to be characterized by hard numbers - it only becomes worth living through the soft aspects: Those who treat their fellow human beings with more appreciation not only make the world more beautiful and peaceful, but also infect others with it - because we tend to pass on appreciation that we have experienced. Anyone who would like to become an "appreciator" can use the following 15 principles as a guide:
- Give yourself completely in conversations and give your current counterpart your full attention. Do not neglect him for possible contacts in the virtual space. Switch your cell phone to flight mode and put it out of sight so that it does not distract you.
- Listen attentively to the person you are talking to, without already preparing your own answer in your mind. Pay attention to the nuances and sense what moves him. In this way, you strengthen your neural networks for empathy, which is an important basis for appreciation.
- Get close to nature regularly and take deliberate breaks from using your digital devices from time to time, this will also increase your empathy.
- Observe what values are important to those around you and consider them when communicating with them. Do not judge anyone for being different. Do not condemn yourself for your mistakes and weaknesses, but see them as areas for development.
- Dialogue is the art of thinking together: be mindful of what your conversation partner's statements trigger in you. Only then think about a response and allow it to develop from the shared space between the two of you.
- Meditate regularly or practice mindfulness exercises and consciously develop your awareness of what is happening. Use situations that make you emotional to reflect and get to know yourself better.
- Show respect for others by speaking non-violently when criticizing them and avoiding "you" messages and judgments. Separate behavior from person. Adhere to the principle that everyone is fully accepted for being human. This does not exclude that he is responsible for his behavior in case of negligence or intent.
- Be patient and trust that those around you will open up at their individual pace. Respect their boundaries and give them space. Pay attention to nonverbal signals that show someone is uncomfortable or stressed.
- Be tolerant of mistakes and don't impute intent to others or that they are doing something to deliberately harm you. Most people try to be a good person.
- Don't judge someone whose situation you haven't been in. Learn to appreciate the differences between you and others and ask yourself what you can learn from them.
- Be peaceful: It is not about always being right and keeping it, but about the feelings you trigger in your fellow human beings and thereby bring into the world.
- Clarify your mutual expectations with those around you so that disappointments are prevented. Be transparent, open, but at the same time tactful and discreet. Do not talk about absentees, but in such a way that all your words could be in the newspaper.
- Appreciate those around you in the ways they understand best. Some feel valued by material gifts, others by praise and recognition, by help and support, by physical closeness or by time spent together.
- Practice gratitude exercises and open your heart to be more loving toward your fellow human beings. Meet others as equals, even if there are differences in status between you.
- It is not many shallow contacts that will fulfill you, but the depth of your most trusting relationships. This takes time, so invest more in quality than quantity.
[1] Werner Bartens: Emotional Violence; p.77, rowohlt, Berlin, 2018
Author:
Christian Bernhardt is a lecturer, author, consultant and speaker on solutions to the skills shortage. His new book "Echte Wertschätzung" was published in September 2022 and already jumped into the Amazon bestseller charts in November. It describes 111 ways to lead employees in a more appreciative way. Bernhardt advises companies and holds lectures and trainings in Germany and Switzerland. More at www.bernhardt-trainings.com
Book tip
Christian Bernhardt
Genuine appreciation: Strengthen relationships. Deepen trust. Develop teams together.
300 pages, from 24,95 Euro
ISBN: 978-3-86980-666-2
BusinessVillage Publishing House, September 2022
