Self-coaching: How to set the course in life yourself
In our lives, we often find ourselves in situations in which we have to make a decision and, in some cases, set a new course. Then we cannot always engage a professional coach as a supporter. Self-coaching is then the motto.
Coaching is about building a bridge between our current life and our future life. And the coach? He supports his clients in mastering this challenge - among other things, by causing them to self-reflect, which leads to an identification of the causes of the problem and possible solutions.
People can trigger this reflection process in themselves even without professional support. And we increasingly need this competence to master our lives. Because our living environment is changing faster and faster, we have to set a new course in our lives more often.
Key question: What do I want?
A prerequisite for successful self-coaching is that we have the necessary power to do so. This in turn requires that there are "stable zones" in our lives. For example, social relationships that give us support. Or a profession that fulfills us. Such stable zones are extremely important for us as human beings, because they give us the strength to actively shape our lives. If they are missing, we need professional help.
Another prerequisite is that we must not harbor the mistaken belief that there is one right path. And if we find it, we will be happy for the rest of our lives. This path does not exist - also because our needs change in the course of our lives. That's why we have to ask ourselves the questions
- What is important to me?
- What kind of life do I want to lead? And:
- How can I realize it?
over and over again.
Actively shaping life
Self-coaching is based on the assumption: Every healthy person carries the solution to his problems within himself. So, when faced with a challenge, he can find a solution on his own - or with self-organized support.
This assumption is in turn based on the assumption: We construct the world as we experience it to a large extent ourselves - through our way of seeing and evaluating things. This also applies to our problems. Here is an example: Suppose you had changed your job several times in the last few years. Then you might come to the conclusion: I have a problem - namely, going through with a job. But does that have to be the case? Perhaps it is part of your concept of a fulfilled life to regularly try something new professionally? Where is the problem then?
The example shows: We construct many problems ourselves, through our way of evaluating situations and constellations. That is why some problems seem unsolvable to us. It follows from this: If we learn to see and evaluate problems in a new way, they often become solvable.
Have patience
From a neurological point of view, learning is a very tangible process in which new nerve connections are formed in our brain that become stronger and stronger as a result of appropriate impulses. At the beginning, these neural pathways are barely visible trails that gradually become country roads or even highways.
When building up new behavior patterns, we have to expect relapses and phases of apparent standstill - because learning processes often seem to proceed in leaps and bounds. Here's an example. Suppose you were a tennis player and wanted to practice a new stroke. So you practice all afternoon without making much progress. Frustrated, you go home. But a week later, you're back on the court, and suddenly you hit the new shot right away. The reason: While you were apparently doing nothing, your brain continued to work. It established new neuronal connections, replayed the sequences necessary for the shot again and again, and associated them with similar movement patterns. That's why you suddenly succeeded in the stroke.
You will register similar processes during self-coaching. Then, often for weeks, seemingly nothing happens. But then suddenly, seemingly out of the blue, you have the famous flash of inspiration - for example while cooking. That is, you have the solution to the problem in front of your eyes. Because while you were apparently only busy with other things, your brain stayed on the ball. That's why you suddenly know the solution. So, provided you continue to supply your brain with the necessary stimuli, you will also eventually exhibit the desired behavior.
Imagine the future
In order to achieve this goal, it is important to regularly imagine the life you want - in other words, to mentally anticipate the future. Top athletes know the power of imagination. They know it is a very effective tool for approaching a goal step by step.
Henry Ford is credited with the statement, "Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're always right!". It refers to the great influence our expectation has on the outcome - positive and negative. You can test for yourself how much our thoughts influence how we feel.
Imagine biting heartily into a lemon and pay attention to how your body reacts. Your mouth probably puckers just by imagining the sour taste of a lemon. And this only because of a few, imagined words. How great must be the effect when we regularly imagine our future life and take steps in the desired direction?
About the author: Sabine Prohaska is the owner of the consulting company seminar consult prohaska, Vienna (www.seminarconsult.at). Among other things, she is the author of the book "Solution-oriented self-coaching: Getting closer to your goals - step by step".
